JACK'S STORY

It only takes one idea, one second in time, one friend, one dream, one leap of faith, to change everything, forever. Just one! Yet eternity lies in the palm of your hand.

It has taken me a long time to put this entry together. Every time I get started I think of the huge portion of my life spent hiding and denying who I really am. I become horribly emotional and drained of my ability to continue. I can assure you, I will go through an enormous amount of Kleenex before I finish this article.

Born a Baby Boomer/War Baby and raised in a VERY conservative neighborhood, I knew at an early age I liked boys. I also knew that to express that desire would earn me a beating from either my family, my friends, or schoolmates. Added to that would be years of humiliation, insults, and being ostracized..

I kept my orientation "on the down low" for many, many years. I played the straight role - joining the U.S. Navy and eventually the Army, getting married, having kids. My sexuality eventually destroyed my marriage (ironically, I got custody of the kids).

In the military I was able to do my job and do it very well for over 24 years as evidenced by many awards, decorations, and commendations. However, I could not share my "real" life with my fellow sailors and soldiers. More than once I was sure someone was about to blow my cover (no pun intended) and I would have lost everything: my job, insurance, pension, and whatever self-respect I had managed to hold on to. My family will tell you there was a huge weight lifted from my shoulders and spirit once I retired.

My two sons were aware their Dad was gay years ago, it simply, and amazingly, made no difference to them. Shortly after my retirement at age 53, I decided I had had enough masquerading. The first phone call was to my younger brother and his wife who live on the other side of the country. Knowing it would likely be the last time we ever talked, I was in tears as I made "the big announcement." My wonderful brother and his lovely, lovely wife just laughed and asked, "who finally told you?" They, like almost everyone else I came out to, had known for years and didn’t give a damn - I was still me, the screwy brother, dad, uncle, and friend that I was before the revelation. When I asked why no one said anything, the common answer: "It wasn’t our place to out you."

I know many people are scared to death to crawl out of that damned closet. I urge you to talk to someone you trust, contact a local gay support group (google, google, google), and at least consider freeing yourself from the confines placed on you by others. In the Detroit area, it is Affirmations (248 398 7105). They should be able to help you find a similar organization in your area.

I simply can not imagine my life without my GLBT family. There are those who came into my life when I was so sure I would never feel "normal" - one of them encouraged me to contribute this entry to Ugly Duckling and I will be forever grateful to him. There are those at Affirmations who continually reinforce my feelings of self worth - especially following the breakup of a seven year relationship last fall. Will I ever find a partner? Who knows, who cares - I am happy, I have a wonderful family, and I am - at long last - enjoying my life.

Jack.