GAY BOY ON CAPE COD . . . Part TWO
When I was 15 years old I had my first gay sexual experience. I had been dealing with my queer feelings and desires. I had a couple close friends and we talked together about our feelings and searchings, our sexual development, and all the usual stuff kids talk about and experiment with.
In high school I was a good student, involved in various activities and intra-mural sports and also on the school track team. I was a runner and participated in marathons. My running partner was a senior, two years older than I. We got along well socially and I felt attracted to him emotionally and physically and we enjoyed hanging out together.
One fall afternoon we were late returning to school. There was no one in the locker room or showers. We started undressing and he began some friendly contact, nothing out of the ordinary. In the shower room we continued our banter and faux-boxing. It was obvious we both liked what we were feeling. I am sure things would have gone further but we heard a locker slam so we hurried and dried off and got dressed and left.
He drove me home and on the way turned off the road into a wooded area we call "The Enchanted Forest". . . .and without resistance he unzipped my jeans, slid them down. . . and we engaed in homosexual activity. The rest of the year was quite an "education" and I am a quick and curious learner.
My reaction to this? I liked it; felt mostly comfortable with what we were doing.
Sex felt normal to me and I didn't have moral guilt about it. I am Catholic and with my parents I had talked about the position of the Church on sexuality in general. And I felt comfortable with myself and a lot of my feelings.
One evening my parents and I were alone, as most of the time we were. My brother is married and has two sons. My sister also is married and they have a son and a daughter. We are a close-knit family and we all come "home for the holidays" - religious, civil. This was an evening for family chat.. . Mom, Dad and me.
I was a tad nervous but not afraid, I had decided it was time to tell them they had a gay son. So I just simply told them I had been doing a lot of thinking about my feelings, my beliefs and what I wanted to do in college and in life. Then I just said "Oh and I want you to know I am gay. I am emotionally attracted to other guys. . "
Very gently Mom said "We know, honey, we know. Your father and I have felt you were and were wondering when you would be ready to tell us. . . ." We talked for a long time that evening and it was good. It was very good.
My parents have been and are very understanding and supportive of their gay son. I am indeed fortunate and blessed with my parents and their intelligent, loving and supportive attitudes.
My friends are always welcome in our home and treated as one of the family. When one of my friends stays overnight it is never a big deal or something to arouse suspicion or disapproval. One of the commentors on my blog has told me
I have been spoiled. . . gifted in so many ways, with great opportunities and privilege.
Personally I do not feel conflicted being gay and Catholic. My way of expressing this is quite simple: I believe and have been taught that we are created in the image and likeness of God. . . .and all God created is good and sacred. I also have been taught by my Church that in my Baptism I was identified with Jesus Christ.
We talk a great deal about identity. . . .well identify comes from two Latin words: idem (the same) + facere (to make). . .so in Baptism we are made the same as Christ. . . we share in divine life. This happens to all baptized. . straight or gay.
This is not an emotional trip; it is an intellectual statement of the Church's theology of Baptism. This isn't my concocted justification for being gay; it is theological fact. . . .which too many church people totally overlook.
God doesn't make mistakes. Our human sexuality and sexual orientation is part and parcel of who we are.
What follows is my own reflection and accommodated interpretation of the creation of Adam and Eve in the Book of Genesis.
++++ And God looked at all He created and saw that it was very good. God looked at the Man he had made and reflected. . "It is not good for the Man to be alone. . .therefore I shall create for him a helpmate like unto himself." . . .So male and female He created them, straight and gay He created them. . .And God saw all He had created was very good and God rested from all the work He had done.
As a gay boy created by God a "helpmate like unto myself" would need to be gay also. Since being gay is part of who I am, then being gay is God's gift to me and
what I become and do with who I am is my gift to God.
I have been "in love" a lot. . . .have these crushes and 'loves' lasted? No. . .but they were important for that period in my growth. Am I in love now? You bet your buns I am. . . .I love many people, some more than others, and two guys in more special ways. . . one is a special soul-mate and "flying mate" whom I call Peter Pan and the other is my love/heart mate named Peter. Peter is a baker and a fisherman, part of family business, a gorgeous guy my age, from a large family of Portugese descent.
(If you are curious, go back to my blog in July under the title "The Three Peters in my Life". . or something like that for details and photos.)
This, briefly, is my story of coming OUT, hinting at some of the journey I am on.
If any of you want to ask me more about any aspect of my story please feel free to ask your querstion on the Ugly Duckling site and I will try to respond as well as I can.
If anything I have shared is helpful to you, I am grateful. If not, ok. . I still have a LOT to learn.
ciao ciao, bambini. .
justin o'shea
In high school I was a good student, involved in various activities and intra-mural sports and also on the school track team. I was a runner and participated in marathons. My running partner was a senior, two years older than I. We got along well socially and I felt attracted to him emotionally and physically and we enjoyed hanging out together.
One fall afternoon we were late returning to school. There was no one in the locker room or showers. We started undressing and he began some friendly contact, nothing out of the ordinary. In the shower room we continued our banter and faux-boxing. It was obvious we both liked what we were feeling. I am sure things would have gone further but we heard a locker slam so we hurried and dried off and got dressed and left.
He drove me home and on the way turned off the road into a wooded area we call "The Enchanted Forest". . . .and without resistance he unzipped my jeans, slid them down. . . and we engaed in homosexual activity. The rest of the year was quite an "education" and I am a quick and curious learner.
My reaction to this? I liked it; felt mostly comfortable with what we were doing.
Sex felt normal to me and I didn't have moral guilt about it. I am Catholic and with my parents I had talked about the position of the Church on sexuality in general. And I felt comfortable with myself and a lot of my feelings.
One evening my parents and I were alone, as most of the time we were. My brother is married and has two sons. My sister also is married and they have a son and a daughter. We are a close-knit family and we all come "home for the holidays" - religious, civil. This was an evening for family chat.. . Mom, Dad and me.
I was a tad nervous but not afraid, I had decided it was time to tell them they had a gay son. So I just simply told them I had been doing a lot of thinking about my feelings, my beliefs and what I wanted to do in college and in life. Then I just said "Oh and I want you to know I am gay. I am emotionally attracted to other guys. . "
Very gently Mom said "We know, honey, we know. Your father and I have felt you were and were wondering when you would be ready to tell us. . . ." We talked for a long time that evening and it was good. It was very good.
My parents have been and are very understanding and supportive of their gay son. I am indeed fortunate and blessed with my parents and their intelligent, loving and supportive attitudes.
My friends are always welcome in our home and treated as one of the family. When one of my friends stays overnight it is never a big deal or something to arouse suspicion or disapproval. One of the commentors on my blog has told me
I have been spoiled. . . gifted in so many ways, with great opportunities and privilege.
Personally I do not feel conflicted being gay and Catholic. My way of expressing this is quite simple: I believe and have been taught that we are created in the image and likeness of God. . . .and all God created is good and sacred. I also have been taught by my Church that in my Baptism I was identified with Jesus Christ.
We talk a great deal about identity. . . .well identify comes from two Latin words: idem (the same) + facere (to make). . .so in Baptism we are made the same as Christ. . . we share in divine life. This happens to all baptized. . straight or gay.
This is not an emotional trip; it is an intellectual statement of the Church's theology of Baptism. This isn't my concocted justification for being gay; it is theological fact. . . .which too many church people totally overlook.
God doesn't make mistakes. Our human sexuality and sexual orientation is part and parcel of who we are.
What follows is my own reflection and accommodated interpretation of the creation of Adam and Eve in the Book of Genesis.
++++ And God looked at all He created and saw that it was very good. God looked at the Man he had made and reflected. . "It is not good for the Man to be alone. . .therefore I shall create for him a helpmate like unto himself." . . .So male and female He created them, straight and gay He created them. . .And God saw all He had created was very good and God rested from all the work He had done.
As a gay boy created by God a "helpmate like unto myself" would need to be gay also. Since being gay is part of who I am, then being gay is God's gift to me and
what I become and do with who I am is my gift to God.
I have been "in love" a lot. . . .have these crushes and 'loves' lasted? No. . .but they were important for that period in my growth. Am I in love now? You bet your buns I am. . . .I love many people, some more than others, and two guys in more special ways. . . one is a special soul-mate and "flying mate" whom I call Peter Pan and the other is my love/heart mate named Peter. Peter is a baker and a fisherman, part of family business, a gorgeous guy my age, from a large family of Portugese descent.
(If you are curious, go back to my blog in July under the title "The Three Peters in my Life". . or something like that for details and photos.)
This, briefly, is my story of coming OUT, hinting at some of the journey I am on.
If any of you want to ask me more about any aspect of my story please feel free to ask your querstion on the Ugly Duckling site and I will try to respond as well as I can.
If anything I have shared is helpful to you, I am grateful. If not, ok. . I still have a LOT to learn.
ciao ciao, bambini. .
justin o'shea
I knew you were smart, Justin... but I never knew you were THAT smart. It wasn't until I got towards the end of your story that I recognized you hehe. Gary Kelly
ReplyDeleteThanks, Gary. Ya never know, right? Don't be too surprised when young'uns, gay twinks rise to "the occasion" and have something to say. . about some thing important. . . hehe. . .not just flirtin' n teasin'. .;-)
ReplyDeleteI loves to play but I guess I loves more the work I am involved in and preparing for more fully. I've learned that wisdom doesn't come with hardening of the arteries nor with hardening of the categories. . the latter comes at any age; the former with advanced age.
Keep those juices flowing. . .LOL
ciao ~
justin
Like you said you are very fortunate to have great parents like yours. It's the first time I read a story about parents who accept the homosexuality of their son, and also one of the few ones where somebody is brave enough to speak about it with his family and not waiting to be discovered (Wich is probably the worst scenary). Thanks for sharing your experience and this beautiful part of your life. I am pretty sure that will help a lot of people.
ReplyDeleteGreetings My Gay Brothers & Sisters. What etories you tell. I honour you all, and have a story to share.....however, I can't seem to find how from the link above. Please advise me.
ReplyDeleteHi, Justin: I'm a also a gay catholic, and I could't agree more with you. Best wishes
ReplyDeleteJustin, I agree with the other posters here. It is clear that you are an incredibly smart young man and it is also clear that you have done a LOT of thinking and deep reflection on your faith. You have a good head on your shoulders about things.
ReplyDeleteIf you ever stop by my blog you'll not some interesting things. I'm not Catholic, but, growing up in a very Catholic New England neighborhood, I learned a lot about your faith from good friends and Scout Sundays as my boy scout troop met there. I knew early on that the ridiculous things that some of my protestant "colleagues" said about Catholics were just not true of all the spirit-filled Catholic friends I knew.
Similarly, while I am blessed to be in the faithful Christian marriage I have been in with my wife of 21 years, the Good Lord allowed some things in my life that give me just a glimpse of what it must be like for you and Gary (and Pato?) to deal with people who want to preach first and never listen.
I grew up as a very good kid whose two major outlets were Scouts and church youth group and, like you, got good grades and into a good college and grad school and for the first 24 years of my life (into my first 2 years of marriage) never did anything that would cause others to accuse me of not being a "real Christian" or otherwise doubt my faith and life choices.
Then I "discovered" nudism. Actually, I had enjoyed being naked whenever I could from any early time. I realized I always wanted to sleep naked... then, relax more naked. My wife went along (reluctantly at first, but ever more so often) and by the time we were 26 or so with our first child, we were a nudist (and Christian) family.
Because we were not ashamed of what we did, we told good friends (not people on a first meeting or anything, but as we got to know them). The people who knew us best had no issue. Others scoffed that we could have a legitimate Christian faith and take our family to places where everyone walks around naked. For the first time this white, male, Anglo-Saxon Protestant married guy was a "minority." And so now I am ready to do a lot more listening.
I repeat that you have a great head on your shoulders and a great life plan for finishing grad school and helping people. You have already written the kind of blog that gives me a LOT to think about regarding gay people.
I don't pretend to have a single answer but it just seems to me that if the "anti gay fight" was anywhere near as big an issue as many Christian groups try to make it out to be, that Christ himself would have had something to say to us about homosexuality during his years on earth with us. He didn't.
Ironically, the only time I recall Jesus talking about "Sodom" was to say that it would fare much better in the days of judgment than any community that his disciples had to wipe the dust of their sandals from because they were unwelcome there.
So I;ll keep tuning into your blog and reading it, Justin. I hope we can stay in contact and I wish you, your family, and your boyfriend the baker all the best. Don't ever give up on your faith, because that's the main thing.
PhotosbyErich
p.s. I have actually been to Herring Cove beach a few times although my family and I live South of the Mason-Dixon line.